


Finding Akaashi

by hanasshi (enthalpyofchange)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, Character Death, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:34:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29243655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enthalpyofchange/pseuds/hanasshi
Summary: Bokuto confessed his undying love to Akaashi within fifteen minutes of meeting him.Akaashi thought it was a joke.They met at a hospital, one leaving and the other coming to stay.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 5
Kudos: 18





	Finding Akaashi

**Author's Note:**

> This is my favourite work I have written in a long time, hope you like it! It's dedicated to Soumita and Roanne <33 
> 
> hope you like it!
> 
> also i didn't beta read since im exhausted and my eyes are going REALLY bad

The first time Bokuto had met Akaashi was on March 17th, three months ago. Bokuto was being checked out from the hospital and had left behind his favourite vabo-chan key ring in his cabin. When he went back to get it, he found Akaashi struggling to open the water bottle placed beside the bed. 

He had offered to open the bottle for him. 

Bokuto was struck by those limitless blue eyes and had embarrassingly thought of drowning in them (he later thought it over and found himself cringing helplessly). When Akaashi's cold long fingers wrapped around the bottle and barely grazed his skin, he found himself trembling and leaning in for more. 

Akaashi's stunned eyes had made his cheeks a flushing crimson.

Bokuto did believe in 'love at first sight', but his sixth sense told him Akaashi didn't. He also had an inkling that Akaashi would have laughed at his face if he told him that Bokuto was in love with him.

Was it even love?

Bokuto knew it was. Nothing else could explain his increasing heart rate, his shallow breathing, and that damn blush announcing to the world that he liked Akaashi. 

"I love you." 

Bokuto saw a range of emotions flitting through Akaashi's eyes and immediately bit his tongue. 

Bokuto had actually confessed to a man he had met fifteen minutes ago. 

Akaashi started laughing. 

Bokuto had written less than 11 essays in his whole 24 years of life. He had spent most of it playing volleyball, laughing and living each day to its fullest. Yet, the only way he could describe Akaashi's laughter was 'the soft tinkling sound of wind chimes on a breezy summer day with a sparklingly clear azure sky and white fluffy clouds.' 

"Bokuto-san, you met me twenty minutes ago." Akaashi's eyes squinted when he laughed. Bokuto blushed furiously. 

"I'm sorry Akaashi." He stared at the spotless white bedsheet. 

"Don't be, it's funny. I haven't laughed like this in decades." He wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. 

"So why are you here?" Bokuto looked up again. 

"Last stage of metastasized osteosarcoma. You?" 

Bokuto couldn't bring himself to say he had sprained his ankle after falling from the stairs of his home because he was too excited to meet his best friend who was returning from abroad. 

He grabbed Akaashi's hand, squeezing it gently, and rested his head on the sterile bedsheet. It smelled disgusting.

"Bokuto-san?" 

"Can I come visit you again?" 

The second time Bokuto met Akaashi was a week later, on Akaashi's 23rd birthday. None of Akaashi's friends and family had come to visit him. He had smiled when he told this to Bokuto, but Bokuto knew he was hurting. 

"They're busy."

"Too busy to see you?" 

"You shouldn't have come either." 

"I came because I wanted to." 

Akaashi had smiled. Bokuto felt a sharp pang. 

They held hands and watched Finding Nemo. Bokuto dug his face into Akaashi's when the shark scene came up. He felt Akaashi's long fingers caressing his hair. 

"Why do you wear so much hair gel?"

"Doesn't it look cool?" 

"Wear it down one day."

"Why?"

"I want to run my fingers through your hair." 

That's all it took for Bokuto to become a bright shade of red and hide his face in Akaashi's frail arms.

Akaashi later told him he had never laughed as much as he had that day. 

The third time Bokuto couldn't meet Akaashi because the doctors informed him that he was not up to meeting visitors. Akaashi had been very sick. 

Bokuto was left standing alone in those dark, lonely, cold halls. He could only imagine how Akaashi felt. 

The fourth time he saw Akaashi he had become paler and frail. Bokuto hesitated touching his hands before Akaashi took his hand himself. 

"Are you going to leave me too?" 

No. If Bokuto could help it, he would never leave Akaashi. He wanted to spend all his days holding his hand, watching Finding Nemo and laughing. 

He couldn't bring himself to say that it would be Akaashi leaving him, not the other way round. 

"No." 

That's all Akaashi needed before he broke down, his hand still clutching onto Bokuto's. Bokuto held him close to his heart, tears streaking his face silently.

"Wh-Why do they all le-leave me? Wh-What have I done?" Akaashi hiccuped between his sobs. 

You did nothing wrong, it's them. It's them. Bokuto couldn't speak it out loud.

"I love you Akaashi." 

"I-I know." 

"Will you leave m-me Bo-Bokuto san?" 

"No Akaashi." 

They stayed in each other's arms, shallow breaths and silent comfort filling the small cabin. 

The fifth time Bokuto met Akaashi it had been a month since they had first met. Bokuto had played his first match for the MSBY Black Jackals. 

"Bokuto-san!" 

Akaashi had gotten thinner, his face was paler. His eyes were still the same, brimming with hope and joy. 

"Akaashi!" 

"I saw your match yesterday. You were amazing, as usual." 

"When you get better we will-"

"Bokuto-san, I'm not getting better."

"No you will-"

"Bokuto-san, I have four more weeks left." 

Before he knew it, hot streams of tears flowed down his face. Akaashi's fingers wiped them away. 

"No Akaashi-"

"I'm glad I met you Bokuto-san."

"Akaashi-"

"I saw your match. You were like a star, Bokuto-san." 

"W-was I?" Bokuto stared down at the floor. He didn't want to cry in front of Akaashi. He wanted to smile. He wanted to laugh. 

"Yes." 

"Akaashi-"

"Call me Keiji." 

Bokuto looked up and his eyes were met with those infinitely deep, stunningly blue eyes. 

"Keiji, I love you." 

"Thank you, Bokuto-san. Can I call you Kotarou?" 

Bokuto nodded. 

"Thank you Kotarou."

Bokuto felt shivers down his spine. He wanted to hear Akaashi callong him Kotarou more.

He was getting greedy.

"Can I come visit you everyday?" 

Akaashi leant forward. He clicked his tongue and frowned.

"Lean forward Kotarou." 

Bokuto did as he was told. Akaashi leant forward, planting a soft kiss on his cheek. 

"Yes, you can." 

The sixth time Bokuto visited was the next day. The doctor told him to limit his visits to weekly visits. Akaashi was too weak to take the strain of daily visits. Bokuto nodded. He went back home.

The seventh day Akaashi refused to talk to him until Bokuto explained what had happened. Bokuto saw tears well up in Akaashi's red-rimmed eyes, and finally he started sobbing. His frail body was racked with heavy, painful sobs. Bokuto held him close to his heart. 

"I-I thought you left too… Bo-Bokuto-san." 

"I told you I would never leave." 

"P-people lie to me all- all the time." 

"I would never lie to you." 

"Th-then tell me, do you really love me?"

Bokuto did not need a minute to consider it. He had known the moment he had first laid eyes on this boy that he was pathetically, miserably, ridiculously in love. 

"Yes."

"Why?"

Bokuto wanted Akaashi to hear his heartbeat. The heart which beats only for him.

"Your damned blue eyes." 

"Hehe, I knew it." Akaashi rested his head on Bokuto's shoulder. 

"Kotarou."

"Yes, Keiji?" 

"You're my star."

"I'm your star."

The eighth time Bokuto met him, he had brought peaches for Akaashi. Akaashi had told him he had always wanted to eat peaches. 

"Hello, Bokuto-san!" 

"I brought peaches Keiji." 

"O-oh." The smile faded until it was replaced by one of pain. "The doctor said I can't eat solids." 

Bomuto pulled the chair beside the bed and sat down. 

"I'm sorry, I know you-"

"Don't apologise Keiji."

Bokuto wiped the sole tear that streaked Akaashi's face. 

"I always ruin everything, don't I?" Akaashi laughed. Bokuto cupped his face, pulling him closer to his.

"You're the best thing to have happened to me, Akaashi Keiji." 

Akaashi blinked, trying to hold his tears back. He looked down, bitins his lip to prevent the tears from falling.

He failed.

His lips trembled when he whispered hoarsely, "You're the only reason this life was worth living." 

Bokuto kissed him. Akaashi had closed his eyes.

He knew how selfish it was of him to wish to keep Bokuto to himself all the time, to make that moment last forever. He knew how stupid it was of him to love Bokuto Kotarou.

"Bokuto-san, the next time you come, can you stay the night?" 

"Anything for you Akaashi."

The ninth time Bokuto met Akaashi, Akaashi was frail. He looked like he was in terrible pain. The glances from the nurses and the doctors told him all he needed to know.

"Akaashi how are you?" 

"Better now that you are here." 

"I brought a new movie."

"Isn't this in theaters now? You could've gone."

"I wanted to watch it with you." 

They held hands as they watched the movie. Bokuto couldn't help thinking it might be the last time they held hands. 

"Bokuto-san, I have something for you." Akaashi whispered when the movie ended. Bokuto held his hands out and was given a piece of paper. Bokuto looked up to see Akaashi blushing.

He looked beautiful.

"You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen." 

"Thank you Bokuto-san. Now read it. It's urgent." 

"I want to spend this time laughing with you not reading-"

"Will you please read it? Who knows how much time I have?" 

Akaashi was crying again.

"I'm so sorry Keiji, I love you. I'm sorry. I'll read it right now." 

"Kotarou, when I first saw you, I knew you were nothing like the others in my life- too scared to laugh, love and live. You were someone who was nothing like me, you were the human embodiment of happiness. I envied you. And before I knew it, I became greedy. Despite me having limited time to...you know...I wished for more minutes, for more hours with you. 

I'm sorry for being so selfish.

When you told me you loved me, I was surprised at how ridiculous you sounded. There was, after all, nothing to love about me. 

But each time you told me you loved me, I could feel my heart swelling. I could make myself believe, even if for a fleeting second, that I had lived a life worth living. 

Before I knew it, I was wishing to keep you all to myself. Like my own little secret. Like my own star.

Before I knew it, I was in love with you.

I didn't want to say it to you, believe me. I didn't want to hold you back. I still don't. I don't want you to think of me when I'm gone. I want you to spread your light to others and make their lives better just like you made mine. 

But I couldn't have lived with myself if I didn't say it to you.

I love you Bokuto Kotarou. 

I love you.

If we hadn't met at this sterile, disgusting hospital, I want to believe we would have been at a small café, sipping on lattes and eating bread. 

We would've been together. Wouldn't we?" 

The paper was stained with Bokuto's tears. He lunged forward at Akaashi, crying. 

"Tell me with your own lips Keiji." 

"I love you Kotarou. I love you." 

That night they smiled at the moon together. The moonbeam made both of them look like otherworldly creatures. 

They held hands as they fell asleep and in love.

Bokuto had slept through when Akaashi's vitals became critical. The continuous visits and his match practices had taken a huge toll on him. 

He was only awoken by a nurse when they whisked Akaashi away to the critical care unit. 

Bokuto clenched his fists in anger when he saw Akaashi unconscious. He hated himself. 

Several hours later, the doctors called him.

"Do you want to meet him one last time?" 

Bokuto felt his hands trembling when he heard the doctor. He nodded slowly. 

Akaashi's eyes were barely open when Bokuto walked in. He tried his best to smile.

"This is the last time." Akaashi whispered between several pauses. 

"Hmm." 

"Bokuto-san, thank you for everything." 

"Akaashi, please, please don't leave me." 

"I have to." 

"Why is life so unfair? Why couldn't we-" 

Bokuto sobbed into his hands, bent over, his bulky frame shaking from the intensity of his sobs. 

"It just is."

"Bokuto-san, can you keep one last selfish request of mine?" 

"Anything you ask for Keiji." 

"P-please don't forget me." Akaashi was too tired to cry. He could only feel his heart shatter to pieces. 

"N-never." 

"But also don't- don't be afraid to move on." 

"Akaashi." 

"Call me Keiji. Please. For one last time." 

"Keiji, you're the most beautiful person I've ever met. Than-thank you for entering my life." 

Bokuto felt Akaashi's cold, frail, boney fingers rest on his. 

"I love you Kotarou."

"I love you too Keiji." 

The night fell. 

Akaashi didn't survive the night. 

Bokuto woke up, brushing his fingers through his rough hair. He had stopped using hair gel since he had met Akaashi. It had been a month since then. 

He had somehow been able to get used to that mind numbingly painful void in his heart. He knew why he felt empty. 

He had given his heart to Akaashi, and Akaashi had given him his. 

He glanced at his bedside photo of Akaashi laughing. It was a picture he had taken after much pleading on the day they had watched Finding Nemo. 

"Good Morning Keiji. Happy 3 months of meeting you." 

He could almost, almost hear Akaashi's faint reply.

"Good morning Kotarou. Stop with the 'I love yous'."

As if I could, Bokuto sighed.


End file.
